"Be kind to me,
or treat me mean.
I'll make the most of it,
I'm an Extraordinary Machine."
Fiona Apple is an absolutely musical powerhouse with endlessly relatable music. While that is a broad and definitive statement, there are themes throughout her music that remain timeless. Extraordinary Machine, initially, was an album that I was too harsh on. I had warmed up to the Jon Brion version and found the fully produced version of album to be lacking. I had remembered it to sound dull—but revisiting the album, THIS is exactly what adds to the grit.
Starting off with the album cover. Upon first glance it doesn't look like much (I first thought that looking at it that they were peas of some sort.)
EM Album Cover; An Agapanthus Bud!
TRACK ONE, EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE
The title track of EM sees Fiona who is a very unpredictable person. She is willing to take the high road or deal with the blunt end of the stick if it comes out with her gaining something new near the end, good or bad. As the track urges on, there is an opponent, a "he". The gender being specified to me, seems to be a rather important component of this song. This man that she puts herself against, takes the easy way out more than once. He has his life cut out for him. And Fiona?
She's been making the most out of whatever she can. There's no proving herself through any of this. If there were a better route to take, then her unpredictable actions could be accounted for much more easily. This song also speaks to how Fiona Apple, as a lyrical and musical powerhouse was treated in the industry years before this album's release. The showbiz world was AND IS bullshit, Fiona didn't have to model her life around the critics who deemed her actions whiny and ungrateful. She didn't need to bend to an audience that subjected her to ridicule, no matter what, she'd come back from it, and keep creating.
While people are always willing to help, going where you aren't needed can be very patronizing. Sometimes you just need to let people figure stuff out without all the pity, extra help, and condescension. Everything is going to be fine if you just allow yourself to fall on your ass fail once. There's a reason why there's a rock bottom.
If people expect you to fall, and help you out before you make it there, how are you supposed to know what comes out of it?
That's when you get to learn to make the most of it.
TRACK TWO, GET HIM BACK.
Get Him Back is a bit different. Fiona's already knowing what to expect, getting herself into relationships where she is, again and again, finding the short end of the stick. So much so that she's so focused on picking these men apart, picking HIM apart, that she's riddled with vengeance. She's boiling, and rightfully so.
She's killing what she doesn't know how to catch: A man with favorable traits. Expecting only disappointment and being drained of her glee, leads her to think she already knows what's going to be taken from her as these relationships meet their bitter ends. Fiona. Is. Done. And accidentally compliant in the things she distastes about me. The contemptible snob, who tears everything down because he's so down on himself. He's insanely insecure and Fiona feels herself burning more and more as she clocks the most unfavorable things about these men.
And when she finds a "good" one--she's already deep into her habit of picking them apart. With a dismissive nature, she knows exactly what's coming. But this time it doesn't. Her hopes are up, they mix okay enough. There's nothing extremely disappointing about him. That's where it hurts.
At the end, she's waiting for him to "unpack" his true nature.
That's all I really have to say about this song. Onto the next!
"Wait 'til I get him back
He won't have a back to scratch
Yeah, keep turning that chin
And you will see my face
As I figure how to kill what I cannot catch
So I say, "And on I go
To another one who disappoint me so"
TRACK THREE, O'SAILOR.
This song is a very special one. Lyrics aside, the mixing is complete genius and really reminds me of 'Paper Bag'.
Fiona, in this track, is gambling on her love towards someone that is very spotty. For the longest she stuck at the man's side, putting her doubts of him not being a faithful man to the side-- hence, "I'm undecided about you again". She's been in this spot before.
It's double sided, maybe she's been running the course with her overthinking. A pretty painful and very imposing before, as she's been running this over more than once. He said there was nothing to it, all of the things she believed he'd done in order to wrong her.
Then he let her go.
And all she can wonder is why. She reflects upon all that had been done, and it all comes down to herself. All of her doubts slipped free before she realized that he was also leaving. Waited patiently did she for things to change, but the biggest change was him fleeting away from their pursuit of love.
If there was nothing to it--then why'd he have to leave, let go?
She laments on what should've been. As she leaves, she's given a new set of eyes. While she still doesn't know why he left after consoling, she knew that all she expected was far from the truth.
Before, during, and after.
TRACK FOUR, BETTER VERSION OF ME
An immediate deep-cut, Fiona apple starts off questioning herself and nature. This song is very manic and she questions, after all of the actions she takes spurred out of insecurity, WHAT does she learn, and what can these impulsive actions possibly lead to?
Nothing makes sense when you can't even follow the tracks of your mind. About saying the quiet parts out loud, Fiona encapsulates just what it feels like to not understand just how unpredictable actions and thoughts could be outside of active motivations.
Being insecure without reason, for insanely superficial things, ends up ruining a lot. Despite starting off with some self sabotage, this song is a promise. That after her crying meltdowns, a better version of herself is coming. One that she can understand and control. Taking things to heart and being vulnerable isn't always a good thing. And leaning into herself, Fiona realizes, only in the moment were the things that broke her to pieces so serious.
Not afterward.
While being in the moment of wallowing in yourself, it feels like it'll last forever and you're finding yourself in a Rubicon. Depending on circumstance, it can be furthest from the truth. Fiona doesn't want to be in a place where her bad mood can foster strongly, her mind.
No matter how much it hurts in the moment, or how long it feels like healing is taking, she's well aware that dealing with this right can only result in the best version of herself. Settling in your mindset while you worsen can only ensure failure.
TRACK FIVE, Tymps (The Sick In the Head Song)
Extraordinarily (heh) chilling for a cheery song about a completely redundant relationship. It reads similarly to most of Mitski's discography. While the songs share little similarities, the cheeriness of it all carries the same weight as Me and My Husband, yet you still get the feeling that Fiona isn't too thrilled about this relationship.
She's running herself in circles. While attempting to distract herself, Fiona apple touches on how this contributed in conflicting her. All while trying to make excuses for him, they dried to dust as she became slowly aware that she was only attempting to make sense out of something that continued hurting her. Did love or compulsion compel her actions.
Fiona hopes that all she did for this man was love him. If anything, she feels as though she hasn't stopped with her love for him. And it sickens her that she continues to yearn for all that hurt.
TRACK SIX, Parting Gift
It isn't wrong to want more for yourself. Though throughout the course of this track, Fiona is sneaking glances through sacred moments. While things are meant to be felt instead of seen as far as romantic gestures, she finds herself peeking more than she could account for. He's a sincere and loyal man, but she can't shake the fact that he doesn't truly know her.
Because she didn't open herself up enough to be known, or maybe he just didn't understand. These two had many times to stop before things got far too serious or intimate, but carried on with hearts upon their sleeves. He loves Fiona.
But he isn't in love with Fiona. And she knows this well enough.
He's not as tough or foregoing as he thinks he is. Fiona sees right through him, but he's so focused on looking at her from the outside, he doesn't know that she's got him all figured out.
TRACK SEVEN, Window
A window could be what lets you remain as a spectator. Someone from the outside looking in.
But from the inside, Fiona cannot see either. She longs to be in a world where she can be focused on the outside and not be confined to the inside world, where she isn't paid much regard to. The 'window' presents a barrier on her relationship and puts a blockage on her mind.
Fiona only sees what she's looking through, and it's a relationship without her, because she is an outsider in her very own relationship. There's a "her"-- and instead of confronting them, she'd rather break the window and separate herself from the two. She carries a facade of paying attention to her circumstances, but as she says, she's as good as asleep.
Breaking the window, much like "Better Version of Me" doesn't give her the chance to dwell on what was. She'd rather put herself out than stay in a situation where she absolutely isn't needed in.
TRACK EIGHT, Oh Well
Much like many of her songs, this track is a very personal story that speaks through a relationship that left Fiona melded into a different version of herself. She left the relationship mentally regressed, a piece of her stolen. After this, she sees herself as someone who is awful.
Picked apart by a lover who is yet again focused upon superficial qualities, she tries to build herself back up, to yet again be torn down by this same man. It hurts to have someone you love turn on you time and time again. To the point where Fiona internalizes this hurt and hatred. She attempted to change, but was out-bid by his words and actions that resurfaced her own trauma.
She felt at peace with who she'd became, just for him to continue unraveling her spirit. All of her love diverted into him, just for him to turn a blind eye while he tore through her.
It's sickening to be deconstructed by someone who you only wished to be loved by.
But she still needs to be validated by him. No matter how much it all hurt for him to even acknowledge her.
And all she can say to it is, "Oh well."
TRACK NINE, Please Please Please
Trapped in the mundanity of life and in her own mind, all Fiona can do is hope that saying please is enough to make it wear off. Words used as consolation no longer placate her intense feelings. She needs something familiar, but she isn't receiving it.
Apologies get her nowhere because they're all she gets. They're used to buy time until another mistake. Hence her feeling like she's stuck. Her way to handle accepting apologies she knows she doesn't deserve is unconventional, but it's all she has.
The song is pretty repetitive, but it makes a lot of sense. Aaand, it's pretty catchy. Could never catch me hating on a good beat! Especially when the lyrics to match just make so much sense.
TRACK TEN, Red Red Red
For all of my artists, a lot of us tend to joke about not understanding color theory. Even if you may be aware of the fact, sometimes it just doesn't make fucking sense. Much like imposed roles onto society and relationships. Opposite colors act as neutralizers, they attract. Mixing things that are two alike results in a muddled mush of colors. Like taking your paint palette to clean and it all makes a shit brown color. It doesn't make sense.
Fiona spins across the color wheel to pinpoint symbolism for herself and the components of this relationship. Yellow, a cheery color, contrasts (in mood) very much from a color like blue that is often correlated to sadness. Yellow and Blue make green and Fiona's state of being has become red. He's not yellow when he's with her. The ends don't justify the means, she's having a hard time understanding why she has to work so hard to get to him while everyone gets to see him yellow.
Fiona works twice as hard for the fact, she feels as though she's a miner trying to get to a diamond. Whatever happens, happens, though.
She feels like she's putting herself in danger and mental turmoil to be seen. And soon enough does Fiona realizes that all she can do is remember there's no way to force relationships. People accept the love that they think they deserve, and this isn't for her.
And she can't blame it on herself. Not this one.
TRACK ELEVEN, Not About Love
The dizzy heights of a relationship that's beneficial to no party are undeniable. It's noisy and nauseating, and the feeling of a new love has died down once it's quickly replaced with arguments. She remembers everything that stung her, but it hasn't quite wore her down yet.
They were only trying to hurt each other, their cruel words never actually meant anything. To the point where it wasn't really about love. Being vulnerable was being used against Fiona.
Mentally she was wounded by trusting him with sacred information. Her lover used it as a weapon against her. Fiona is swallowing herself down for this man, and it still doesn't work. Her efforts, once enjoyed with adoration became an easy target for arguments.
As the love wore down dully, Fiona fully knew that he was a cruel man. That it wasn't about the love they shared. It wasn't fair either- how she could be in the company of a chivalrous man, yet like many other times, she's met by a man that only serves to hurt and unwind her.
She had a taste for his manipulation after the break and soon saw through his treatment. And Fiona is upset she can't find a genuine love without someone who only wants the surface level version of herself.
And while it hurts, she misses the ache of what she believes to be love. He finds fault in her no matter what, even though her efforts were only made to please.
TRACK TWELVE, Waltz (Better Than Fine)
It's okay to not have it all figured out. Something usually counts for nothing. This is more of a retrospective song if anything, which makes it unique. It's motivational but not 'Fight Song' motivational. The message of Waltz is pretty surface level and doesn't really need an EXTREMELY deep dive. Listen to it and resonate on the track without my interpretation.
CLOSING
Overall, EM is one of my favorite Fiona Apple projects & a standout at that. I was too harsh with it and came to resonate with it of late, my love rekindled. Thank you so much for stopping by to read my blog. Soon enough I'll be dissecting more of the stuff that I like!~
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